


moonchild

by jijingka



Series: and they were roommates [6]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Gen, Gender Neutral, Hurt/Comfort, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24452590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jijingka/pseuds/jijingka
Summary: “even without the sun, the moon has all the stars in the sky to keep it company. i’m sure this moon of yours will be just fine.”
Relationships: Park Jaehyung | Jae/Reader
Series: and they were roommates [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1167335
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	moonchild

jae is 5”11. when you’re out with other people, he towers over most of them or at least is one of the giants, a fluffy head of blonde easy to spot over the crowd.  


but as his roommate, you’ve seen him when he’s small. he has a loud, bubbly laugh that can be heard past the thin walls of your condo, yes, but when he sighs, the entire place feels empty. tired, sad jae makes the walls feel hollow, makes the air feel stuffy even with broad daylight coming in through the windows.  


he has this ability to change the mood of the entire room— it’s why he’s a hype man, really, why he’s so good at debates and winning people over. so when you come home to him startled, off, pretending he wasn’t just crying, your heart sinks in its chest. he couldn’t pretend to feel anything he wasn’t if he tried— the whole room feels so sad.  


“what’s wrong?” you immediately ask, walking over to where he’s curled up in bed. god, he looks heartbroken.  
“nothing, nothing.” he sniffles and wipes his face dryly with his hands.  
“hey, don’t worry about it. i’m good.”  
“how could i not?” he doesn’t reply.  


after a moment you put your bag down, ask him to sit up, and give him the tightest hug you can in your awkward, half-sitting-on-his-bed position.  
he doesn’t do anything at first. the air stills and you begin to wonder if this is too much— you have no idea what’s wrong, after all— until the floodgates break open, and he’s pulling you closer, crying.

jae knew you were coming home. he knew you’d walk in the door any minute, that even if he tried to fix up you’d somehow notice how exhausted he looks. for some reason, you’ve always been able to tell when he’s off— he assumes you’re just good at that. so whether out of apathy or just being tired from being in his own thoughts for so long, he doesn’t bother moving when he hears the door click.  
he mumbles a clumsy excuse to give you enough leeway to leave him alone if you’re busy, but his tired heart swells when you sit down next to him.  
_i wanted this,_ he realizes, and shyly places his head on your shoulder. he feels selfish— but a little hopeless, as well.

he sits and cries into the shoulder of the very person who’s making him so sad.

jae doesn’t cry for too long, but his hold on you doesn’t loosen. you’re more than happy to let him be, of course, placing your cheek on top of his head and sighing. the condo is quiet. 

it’s an early afternoon, not many people are home yet, and everything is still. your schedule's odd: you and jae both have weird schedules, saturdays packed to the full and classes scattered throughout the week so you, really, don’t actually see each other that often. you’re still not used to coming home early sometimes, it feels like when you’d have half days in highschool, when the house would look so different in the afternoon light and you felt like you had all the time in the world. now, of course, you realize your workload is merciless and you’ll probably end up staying late just to get by, but that feeling still lingers.  
jae is quiet in your hold.

“what are you thinking about?” you wonder aloud. you pull back so he can speak and he wipes his face on his sleeve. his bed is comfortable, or maybe you’re just comfortable from having sat there for a while, but you barely even notice how close you are.  
“hmmm,” he coughs, his voice is low and he gets something out in mumbles. “just.. stuff. school and family and this one.. person.”  
“who?” it must show on your face that you’re ready to fight, because he chuckles.  
“no, no. not like that.”

he rubs his eyes and sighs, loud and overdramatic, the jae you know slowly coming back. he looks at you with an odd look, something exasperated and soft and _something,_ and you try not to dwell too much on how pretty he looks without glasses.  
“oh, your glasses.” you remember, looking around. you’re still seated on his bed facing him, so he leans forward and stretches his arm behind you.  
“right,” he grabs them off his desk and sits up against the wall, taking the opportunity to look at you properly. you’re sitting there, school clothes still on and a little wrinkled, looking at him with an understanding but expectant look in your eyes: just the right amount of concern and love, no pity.

“right.” he repeats.  
for some reason, jae wasn’t expecting you to ask why he was crying. it makes sense, sure, but in his tired, muddled mind he hadn’t thought of what to tell you. i mean, really, what is he supposed to say: _i don’t usually get this emotional but you just_ get _to me somehow, and i know this wasn’t supposed to happen but i think i’m really, really in lo—_  
he tears up again at the thought. your patient, warm smile isn’t helping.

“someone,” you nod,  
“i’m in love with someone.” your eyes widen, and he quickly adds, “i guess. i mean,” he notices you absentmindedly have your hand on his knee, or at least the blanket on top of it, and his heart jumps. “a little. yeah.”  
there’s a beat, and jae furrows his brows in thought.  
“but they don’t like me back that way.”

you hum.  
“have you told them?” there’s an odd lilt to your voice, and for some reason, the question makes him laugh a dry, hopeless laugh, until he realizes it doesn’t lift the mood at all.  
“no.”  
“why.. don’t you?” you realize how hypocritical that question is only after it’s out of your mouth.  
he huffs out a breath and adjusts his glasses.  
“love is kinda weird, i guess.”  
you can’t help it, you snort softly and he notices.  
“hey! i’m being serious. it’s weird. this person is just so..”

he leans his head back on the wall, looking up at the ceiling, trying to find the words. he realizes he can’t tell you very much at all without giving himself away, so he tries his best to put all his metaphors and poetry and songwriting skills to use. you gingerly place your hand on his, as if to say _i’m listening,_ and even if it was just for a moment he feels his face warm up all the way up to his neck and ears.

“this person is the sun. like, i know i’m being cheesy.. but they’re so bright, everything about them, and warm and kind.. when they look at me, i just,” he makes a whew sound, nodding his head back down to look at you, making some stray hairs fall and frame his face. “my heart melts.” you understand completely.  
“and sometimes i feel like they deserve someone better? just in general, um,” he makes vague hand gestures, “i don’t feel like i’m worthy of whatever it is i have with them at all. the small presence i have in their lives. but i’m selfish.”

“i want to be their moon.”

you must make a face because he laughs, “yeah i know, i know, it’s corny but that’s how i feel, okay. i know i should tell them how i feel just to, y'know, get it off my chest and get over it and get this whole sappy thing done and over with, but i want,” jae sighs. voice a little quieter, he continues, “i _wish.._ i was better, because maybe then they might see me, might feel the same way i do. i want them to look at me and make me their full moon, a supermoon, the _brightest_ moon with a halo around it. but i think… i think i might just be icarus.”

longing. that’s what sits so heavy in his eyes.

in the song that he wrote about you, which, half of what he said was just a paraphrase of— jae says he doesn’t mind being icarus. if it means he can be with you, wake up to your warm smile everyday, cling to even the simplest form of friendship— he’ll be okay.  
but you seem to take it differently.

“you know, you..” you begin, quietly hoping the words you choose are the right ones.  
“you’re amazing,” jae smiles, and you continue.  
“you’re so smart, and talented, and your voice is amazing.. you’re one of the funniest people i’ve met. i’m so thankful you’re my roommate, even if you’re a pain sometimes.” jae chuckles quietly in awe. this is the first time either of you have been so open with one another, and it makes his heart warm. “you don’t have to worry about who you are to someone or whether they love you or not. if this person has eyes at all, they’ll see you just the way you are— not as icarus, or the moon, but _jae.”_  
"you light up the whole room when you walk in, you have no idea. and you always have the right thing to say-- your friends love you, the guard downstairs loves you, and i-- i do too." you flush, eyes focused on your hands in your lap. 

“so if you want to be the moon so much.. it has all the stars in the sky to keep it company. whether this sun comes around or not, i’m sure this moon of yours will be just fine.”

you notice tear stains lingering on his face, and without really thinking about it, reach up to wipe them away. he stays in place, blinking, and without warning, the atmosphere shifts— jae stares at you and, not sure what else to do, you fix and pat down his hair, too. your hand finds its way to his shoulder.  
it doesn’t feel the way it did when his mom used to do the same thing. your touches are soft, barely there, gingerly brushing at his skin like he’s fragile. like he's something precious, that you shouldn't touch.

you try your best to smile, and find it coming way too easily despite yourself.

“but i think you should tell them.”  
jae releases a breath he doesn’t realize he’s been holding, and smiles. “yeah,” he nods.  
sunlight pours through the window stopping just in-between you two, covering just you in a warm haze. there’s a clear outline of light on your skin, and your eyelashes leave a delicate shadow under your eyes. jae nods again, looking down. he may not be the moon or icarus, and you may not really be the sun, but you sure come close.  
“yeah, maybe i should. thank you.” he says, sincerely.

jae can't tell if the warmth in his chest is wax melting or the first wake of dawn.


End file.
